When You Fail, Name It.

This year I failed at something big.

At first, I came up with all the reasons as to why I didn’t fail. I blamed everything outside of me and my control. I made excuses. I threw myself a GIGANTIC pity party, and let me tell you…. I throw great parties. The end result of all this was resentment, depression, angst, anger, and deep sadness.

I figured eventually, as time went on, I’d rally like I always do. But I didn’t until yesterday. Yesterday, while on a walk with my wife, I finally said the words… “I failed”. It was like that moment in Shrek when Fiona is finally forever transformed into an ogre. She was radiating light. It was as if she was unlocked, released, freed. That’s what this moment was for me.

Professor Dumbledore was right, “Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself”. Naming my failure released me from it. Naming my failure freed me from my own shame and guilt.

Failure is only failure if you don’t learn from it. Before I could learn, I had to admit there was something to learn. Maya Angelou famously said, “Courage allows the successful woman to fail and learn powerful lessons from the failure. So that in the end, she didn’t fail at all”.

So here is a list of a few of my powerful lessons from my fantastic failure:

• Stillness is powerful. Often the most valuable thing you can do is not act.

• Feedback is a gift. When someone shares uncomfortable feedback with you, they are putting your growth & development over their comfort.

• Feedback is more about the giver than the receiver. This year I was given many gifts in the form of feedback. The most valuable feedback came when a behavior or action was noted, and I was given space to process it. The least valuable came when a behavior or action was noted, and I was told what that meant about me.

• Take in what makes you stronger. Release what doesn’t serve you.

• Our busyness does not define our worth. And our stillness does not equate to laziness.

• Assume good intent. There is no way through without starting here.

• Love is the answer to all of it. When all else fails, find the love and share it.