"Say More About That."

I am a deeply curious person. I am constantly learning, but when it comes to communication with other human beings, I find myself being the "seek to be understood, then (if you've got time) seek to understand" kinda gal. I HATE IT. If there were one thing I could change about myself with a snap of my fingers, it would be this default setting. However, the great thing about being human is that I can grow and evolve and change.

I met one of my favorite people on the planet while serving on the board of a local nonprofit. This woman has become a friend and mentor to me. She's one of those people that you find yourself saying, "if I didn't love her so much, I'd hate her". She's just good people. Anyhoo, I digress.

The biggest lesson I've learned from her is the power of a simple statement, "say more about that." The first time I heard her say this in a conversation, my mind was blown. We were having a difficult conversation with someone about the direction of our organization. While I was collecting all the data I had stored in my head as to why this person was wrong (seeking to be understood.... and maybe smack you down a little, if I'm honest with myself), my mentor and friend was calling on her empathy and curiosity.

And with that one little request, the entire conversation changed. It gave us all the permission to share our thoughts and feelings, not defend them. I've watched her pull this statement out of her toolbox time and time again. Each and every time, it has been revelatory.

So the next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation, new relationship, or unclear situation, pull this statement out of your toolbox. Use it with your spouse, children, parents, or co-worker. It is universal in its power.